You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This baby is an asshole
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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