Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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