just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
