come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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