One girl and one boy is just not enough.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
