32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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