I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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