He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
