The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
