you traded sex for a burrito?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
