How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
