that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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