i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
