we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
