I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Fuck appropriateness.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the liver wants what the liver wants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
