Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
