tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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