Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize