I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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