Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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