I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
