see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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