She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
