I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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