I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
