the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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