He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
