Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
