I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
