i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
