so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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