did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
