got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
