I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
