I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
