And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
