he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
