he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
