Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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