I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
