ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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