They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
