How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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