a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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