I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
