I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
