omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
