sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
