you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
