I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
