even my farts smell like vagina
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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