I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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