Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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