Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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