You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize