ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
