how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
