i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
