i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
