so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize