take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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