i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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