I think I am morally bankrupt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
