I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
