I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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