We're facebook friends in real life
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
