Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
