why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
